Is it a disaster??..

i have never been that very serious taking into account my 'extremely clumsy' quality.well its my usual situation to bump into everything around me.

i hit the sofa, knock against the door, collide with every nail around the house, hit the wall, cut my lips when i was changing clothes, also cut my lips when i was playing basketball in school, falling in front of Electrical Engineering Faculty during my University years and cut my wrist (they thought i tried to kill myself..i fooled them.haha) also cut my feet when i was taking a shower (caused by a piece of broken tile)..

I have a long list of these. actually ive been very careful with my daily actions and works. dont know why it still goes on like that. on top of that, i almost faint when i see blood..oh i take a lot of effort just to read the word. i learned biology in school and i had to learn deeper about blood. but i really couldnt go on reading and reading more about blood cells, platlets and so on. also couldnt bare to get my own blood out of my finger just to carry out a simple experiment. at last, the biology teacher asked me to sit at the back of the class, staring completely at the wall.

until now, i still cannot get over it.anyhow im trying my best to be extra careful and always look out for every danger possibility around me..God, bless me..

my wishes...

today is my 25th birthday.
all this while i really don't do 'close your eyes.think of a wish and blow the candle..'
anyhow i still got some wishes to be fulfilled.
:: in the process of getting my first car. hope to get the car before Ramadhan.
:: hope i have more free time to continue writing my novel..:: then publish it.
:: make my parents proud of me n being happy always..
:: maybe looking around for a 'Landon Carter (A walk to remember)' who might help me to fulfil my wishes..haha..

was it love or crush or foolishness??

"If I fall along the way, pick me up and dust me off
If I get too tired to make it, be my breath so I can walk..
When my smile gets old and faded
wait around i'll smile again..
I started out clean but I'm jaded.."


i think its a tragedy i would never ever forget for my whole life. after 14 years of searching, it is not only in vain, it kills me inside. still remember our 'short' childhood memories, eating in the cafeteria and talk about anything we want..


finally i have the courage to add this boy's photo whom i lost along the way. i hate to say this, but if he's still alive, i wonder if he ever remember me. and i hope he would. Allah, please bless him...al - Fatihah

stories of 4 kenanga >> part 1

im writing this not to blame anyone.yes.no one. im writing based on my own experience. this 4 kenanga is a class which i teach. because school streaming has been so popular in Malaysia, so this school also practises it. this 4 Kenanga is the 'last class' of its level. it is the lowest-achievement class. and because im teaching english to them, the subject most of them hate, i have to try my very very best. plus give them a lot of motivation n encouragement.

i started teaching this class with frustration. i talked in front, they talked at the back. within three seconds i turned my back at them, they were walking all around the class. i'm sick of having to pinch them or hit their young hands with a ruler.im really really sick.

so i started to do reward systems in the class. i give them stars when they answer questions. sometimes i give them sweets for behaving in class. it works...unfortunately, not to all of them.

There's this boy,sitting in front of the class, beginning his first days of school without having any exercise books. and that he didn't even try to do the exercises i gave him..so i asked him. he kept quiet and his friends said that his mother didn't have the money. so i bought him a book. later, i noticed that he actually did the exercises i gave him. so they must be true,, the friends.

SPP interview / temuduga SPP 2009

Part 3

soalan - soalan berbentuk fakta...
antaranya,

-Penyata Razak (nasib baik terbaca and betul tahun keluarnya)
bab huraian yg kurang sikit
-Kaitkan penyata Razak dan PIPP
-kemahiran mengajar BI di sekolah
-taksonomi Bloom (ni yg terlupa sebenarnya...)
-berikan penjajah - penjajah yg pernah menjajah tanah melayu (dah betul 4 nie - Portugis, Belanda, Inggeris dan Jepun but tersilap bab susunan)

anyhow, i still pray for the best... U should check out SPP website for Panduan Temuduga SPP.
Good luck to everyone...

SPP interview / temuduga SPP 2009

Part 2

Actually i expected that i would be asked in English for the whole interview but it turned out that the interviewer asked me questions in Malay.
the first 10 minutes (approximately), he asked questions about my personal life, about family and all that.
and suddenly he asked me whether i want if he matchmake me with his son. He must be kidding, though...

he did ask opinions on these issues:

"Jika awak dah berkahwin, berapa banyak duit belanja yang awak benarkan suami awak beri pada ibu bapanya" so I said, about 1/3 of his salary. he said "U must be a good wife someday" =P

"apabila seorang lelaki berkahwin dgn seorang perempuan itu, adakah patut lelaki itu berpindah mengikut isterinya? atau isteri yg perlu berpindah mengikut suaminya?"
then i answered, " it depends on individuals..then bla bla bla"
then he seemed like he did not totally agree with me. then i said,"but in Islam, it's the wife who has to live with her husband, so the wife should transfer to her husband's place." then i see he smiled and nodded.

then he checked my "Borang maklumat tambahan" and asked," is this your handwriting?" Of course...

"I know how to 'read' handwriting'," he said suddenly. really?

" awak ni seorang yang ada kesungguhan tetapi ada kalanya awak cepat panik," that was his interpretation. it must be because i looked so panic when i walked into the room.

Next part

it's already 1 am.i'm going to bed now.i'll share the next part of my experience during spp interview tomorrow.InsyaAllah...

SPP interview / temuduga SPP 2009

Part 1
the session started at 7.30 am but i arrived a bit late. it was 7.40 am when i reached Bhgn Teknologi Pendidikan JB that morning. 1st July 2009. tarikh ni yg plg menakutkan sejak mula2 sy cek website spp. thank God i attended the spp interview with a friend from my school. so i could share all the 'short of breath' and 'heart stopping' moments with her.

at first, all my limbs trembled everytime i glanced at my watch and realized that we still couldn't find the interview room and that we couldn't find anyone to ask..luckily our eyes caught the sight of a direction board to get to the interview room. the room's name is bilik Terbilang.

the interviewer was Tn. Hj. Mokhy b. Saidon, bekas Pengarah Pelajaran Negeri Johor.

Is it still love?

I had written something about this one guy i've known 14 years ago. he was one of my precious childhood memories. i've let everything go when i couldn't reach him after trying so many times. however, in June this very year, i found out about something that completely sent a bullet right through my heart. I did everything i can to make sure that it was not a mistake.
This guy i've known for 14 years, this guy whom i've waited for so long to be able to at least receive a 'hi' from him... This guy had been taken away from me. he's been taken away from everything on this world. He's been taken away by Allah the Almighty...
God, please forgive me if i was once reluctant to accept this fate. I was just so sad.very very sad. i was in a very deep grief. at that time i think i finally feel this kind of sorrow from losing someone important. I cried for hours. and when i tried to eat something, i could hardly swallow the food. i couldn't even drink water like usual. everything turns upside down.
When night came, i couldn't get myself to sleep. and this situation lasted for a few days. it's not that i didn't try to make it stop. I just couldn't.

my All-time Favourite

>>>Assalamualaikum........>>>PERIBADI ANDA MENGIKUT BULAN KELAHIRAN>>>BERDASARKAN KAJIAN 25 TAHUN>>>DATO FADZILLAH KAMSAH>>>>>>
JANUARI>>>>>>bercita-cita tinggi dan orangnya serius>>>suka mendidik dan dididik>>>sangat mudah melihat kelemahan orang dan suka>>> mengkritik>>>rajin dan setiap yg dibuat nampak keuntungan>>>suka smart, kemas dan teratur>>>bersifat sensitif , berfikiran mendalam>>>pandai mengambil hati org lain>>>pendiam kecuali telah dirangsang>>>agak pemalu >>>daya tumpuan yang sangat tinggi>>>mudah mendisiplinkan diri sendiri>>>badannya sihat tetapi mudah diserang selsema>>>bersikap romantik tetapi tidak pandai>>> mempamirkannya>>>cukup sayang pd kanak-kanak>>>suka duduk rumah>>>setia pada segala-galanya>>>perlu belajar kemahiran sosial>>>cukup cemburu yg sangat tinggi>>>>>>
FEBRUARI>>>>>>berfikiran abstrak>>>sukakan benda yang reality dan abstrak>>>inteligent, bijak dan genius>>>berpesonality yg mudah berubah>>>mudah menawan org lain>>>agak pendiam. Pemalu dan rendah diri>>>jujur dan setia pd segalanya>>>keras hati untuk mencapai matlamat>>>tidak suka dikongkong>>>mudah memberontak apabila dikongkong>>>suka kegiatan yg lasak>>>emosinya mudah terluka dan sgt sensitif>>>mudah mempamirkan marahnya>>>tidak suka benda yg remeh-temeh>>>suka berkawan tapi kurang mempamerkannya>>>sangat berani dan suka memberontak>>>bercita-cita tinggi dan suke berangan-angan dan>>>ada harapan utk merealisasikan impiannya>>>pemerhatian yg tajam>>>suka hiburan dan sukan>>>suka benda yg bersifat seni>>>sangat romantik pada dalaman tetapi tidak pada luaran>>>berkecenderungan pd benda yg tahyul>>>amat mudah dan boleh menjadi terlalu boros>>>belajar untuk mempamirkan emosi>>>>>>
MAC>>>>>>berpesonaliti yg menarik dan menawan>>>mudah didampingi>>>sgt pemalu dan pemendam rasa>>>sgt baik secara semulajadi, jujur pemurah dan>>>mudah simpati>>>sgt sensitif pd perkataan yg dituturkan dan>>> alam persekitaran>>>suka pada kedamaian>>>sgt peka kepada orang lain>>>sesuai dgn kerjaya yg memberi khidmat kepada>>> org lain>>>tidak cepat marah dan sangat amanah>>>tahu balas budi dan tahu kenang budi>>>pemerhatian dan penilaian yg sangat tajam>>>kecenderungan utk berdendam jika tidak dikawal>>>suka berangan-angan>>>suka melancong>>>sgt manja dan suka diberi perhatian yg sangat>>> tinggi>>>kelam kabut dalam memilih pasangan>>>suka dgn hiasan rumahtangga>>>punya bakat seni dalalm bidang muzik>>>kecenderungan kepada benda yang istimewa dan>>> baik>>>jgn terlalu moody.>>>>>>>>>
APRIL>>>>>>sgt aktif dan dinamik>>>cepat bertindak buat keputusan tetapi cepat>>>menyesal>>>sgt menarik dan pandai manjakan diri>>>punya daya mental yg sangat kuat>>>suka diberi perhatian>>>sgt diplomatik (pandai memujuk ).berkawan dan>>>pandai menyelesaikan masalah org>>>sgt berani dan tiada perasaan takut>>>suka adventure, pengasih, penyayang, sopan>>>santun dan pemurah>>>emosi cepat terusik>>>try control the emotion>>>kecenderungan bersifat dendam>>>agresif, kelam kabut utk membuat keputusan>>>kuat daya ingatan>>>gerak hati yg sangat kuat>>>pandai mendorong diri sendiri dan>>>memotivasikan org lain>>>berpenyakit disekitar kepala dan dada>>>sgt cemburu dan terlalu cemburu>>>>>>>>>
MEI>>>>>>kekerasan hati & degil>>>kuat semangat & bermotivasi tinggi>>>pemikiran yg tajam>>>mudah marah apabila tidak dikawal>>>pandai menarik hati org lain & menarik>>> perhatian>>>perasaan yg amat mendalam>>>cantik dr segi mental & fizikal>>>tidak perlu dimotivasikan>>>tetap pendirian tetapi mudah dipengaruhi oleh>>> org lain>>>mudah dipujuk>>>bersikap sistematik (otak kiri)>>>suka berangan>>>kuat daya firasat memahami apa yg terlintas di hati org lain tanpa>>>diberitahu>>>bahagiantelinga & leher mudah diserang>>>penyakit>>>daya khayalan yg tinggi>>>permikiran yg tajam>>>pandai berdebat>>>fizikal yg baik>>>kelemahan sistem pernafasan>>>suka sastera,seni & muzik serta melancong>>>tidak berapa suka duduk dirumah>>>tidak boleh duduk diam>>>tidak punya ramai anak>>>rajin dan bersemangat tinggi>>>agak boros>>>>>> JUN>>>>>>berfikiran jauh berwawasan>>>mudah ditawan krn sikap baik>>>berperangai yg lemah lembut>>>mudah berubah sikap,perangaiidea @mood>>>idea yg terlalu banyak dikepala>>>bersikap sensitif>>>otaknya aktif (sentiasa berfikir)>>>sukar melakukan sesuatu dgn segera>>>bersikap suka menangguh-nangguh>>>bersikap terlalu memilih & mahukan yg>>>terbaik>>>cepat marah cepat sejuk>>>pandai mempamerkan sikap>>>suka bercakap berdebat>>>suka buat lawak bergurau>>>otaknya cerdas berangan-angan>>>mudah berkawan pandai berkawan>>>org yg sangat tertib>>>mudah kecil hati>>>mudah kena selsema>>>suka berkemas>>>cepat rasa bosan>>>sikap terlalu memilih & cerewet>>>kurang mempamerkan perasaan>>>lambat nak sembuh apabila terluka hati>>>suka kepada barang yang berjenama>>>mudah menjadi eksekutif>>>kedegilan yg tidak terkawal>>>sesiapa yg memuji saya adalah musuh saya tetapi>>> siapa menegur saya adalah kawan saya.>>>>>>
JULAI>>>>>>Sangat seronok didamping>>>Banyak berahsia dan sukar dimengerti>>> terutamanya lelaki>>>Agak pendiam kecuali diransang>>>Ada harga dan maruah diri>>>Tak suka menyusahkan orang lain tapi tidak marah apabila disusahkan>>>Mudah dipujuk dan bercakap lurus>>>Sangat menjaga hati orang lain>>>Sangat peramah>>>Emosi sangat mendalam tapi mudah terluka hatinya>>>Berjiwa sentimental>>>jarang berdendam>>> mudah memaafkan tapi sukar melupakan>>>tidak suka benda remeh-temeh>>>membimbing cara fizikal dan mental>>>sgt peka, caring dan mengasihi serta penyayang>>>layanan yg serupa dgn semua orang>>>tinggi daya simpati>>>pemerhatian yg tajam>>>suka menilai org lain dgn pemerhatian>>>mudah dan rajin belajar>>>suka muhasabah diri>>>suka megenangkan peristiwa atau kawam lama>>>suka mendiamkan diri>>>suka duduk dirumah>>>suka tunggu kawan tapi tak cari kawan>>>tak agresif kecuali terpaksa>>>lemah dari segi kesihatan perut>>>mudah gemuk kalau tak kawal diet>>>minta disayangi>>>mudah terluka hati tapi lambat pulih>>>terlalu mengambil berat>>>rajin dalam membuat kerja>>>>>>
OGOS>>>>>>suka berlawak>>>mudah tertawan kepadanya>>>sopan santun dan caring terhadap org lain>>>berani dan tidak tahu takut>>>orgnya agak tegas bersikap kepimpinan>>>pandai pujuk org lain>>>terlalu pemurah>>>bersikap ego>>>nilai harga diri yg sangat tinggi>>>dahagakan pujian>>>semangat juang yg luar biasa>>>cepat marah mudah mengamuk>>>mudah marah apabila cakapnya dilawan>>>sangat cemburu>>>daya pemerhatian yg tajam teliti>>>cepat berfikir>>>fikiran yg berdikari>>>suka memimpin & dipimpin>>>sifat suka berangan>>>berbakat dlm seni lukis,hiburan, silat>>>sangat sensitif tapi tidak mudah merajuk>>>cepat apabila ditimpa penyakit>>>belajar utk relax>>>sikap kelam kabut>>>romantik ,pengasih,penyayang>>>suka mencari kawan>>>>>>
SEPTEMBER>>>>>>sangat bersopan santun & bertolak ansur>>>sangat cermat,teliti & teratur>>>suka menegur kesilapan org lain & mengkritik>>>pendiam tapi pandai bercakap>>>sikap sangat cool sangat baik & mudah simpati>>>sangat perihatin & terperinci,amanah,setia & jujur>>>kerja yg dilakukan sangat sempurna>>>sangat sensitif ygtidak diketahui>>>org yg banyak berfikir>>>daya pentaakulan yg baik>>>otak bijak & mudah belajar>>>suka mencari maklumat>>>kawal diri dari terlalu mengkritik>>>pandai mendorong diri sendiri>>>mudah memahami org lain(daya firasat yg tinggi) krn banyak simpan >>>rahsia>>>suka sukan,hiburan & melancong>>>kurang menunjukan perasaannya>>>terluka hatinya sangat lama disimpan>>>terlalu memilih pasangan>>>sukakan benda yg luas>>>bersistematik>>>>>>
OKTOBER>>>>>>suka sembang>>>suka org yg sayang padanya>>>suka ambil jln tengah>>>sangat menawan & sopan santun>>>kecantikan luar & dalam>>>tidak pandai berbohong & berpura-pura>>>mudah rasa simpati,baik pentingkan kawan>>>sentiasa berkawan>>>hatinya mudah terusik tetapi merajuknya tak lama>>>cepat marah>>>macam pentingkan diri sendiri>>>tidak menolong org kecuali diminta>>>suka melihatdari perspektifnya sendiri>>>tidak suka/terima pandangan orglain>>>emosi yg mudah terusik>>>suka berangan & pandaibercakap>>>emosi yg kelam kabut>>>daya firasat yg sangat kuat (terutamanya>>> perempuan)>>>suka melancong,bidang sastera & seni>>>pengasih ,penyayang & lemah lembut>>>romantik dlm percintaan>>>mudah terusik hati & cemburu>>>ambil berat tentang org lain>>>suka kegiatan luar>>>org yg adil>>>boros & mudah dipengaruhi persekitaran>>>mudah patah semangat>>>>>>
NOVEMBER>>>>>>banyak idea dalam perkara>>>sukar utk dimengertikan atau difahami sikapnya>>>berfikiran kehadapan>>>berfikiran unik dan bijak>>>penuh dgn idea-idea baru yg luarbiasa>>>pemikiran yg tajam>>>daya firasat yg sgt halus dan tinggi>>>bagus utk jadi doktor>>>cermat dan teliti>>>personality dinamik>>>sifat yg berahsia, pandai mencungkil dan mencari rahsia>>>banyak berfikir, kurang bercakap tetapi mesra>>>berani, pemurah setia dan byk kesabaran>>>terlalu degil dan keras hati>>>apabila hendak. Diusahakan sehingga berjaya>>>taksuka marah kecuali digugat>>>mudah ambil berat terhadap orang lain>>>pandai muhasabah diri>>>cara berfikir lain dari org lain>>>otak yg sangat tajam>>>pandai mendorong diri sendiri>>>tidak hargai pujian>>>kekuatan semangat dan daya juang yg sgt tinggi dan apabila hendak >>>sesuatu>>>cuba sampai berjaya>>>badan yg tough(optional)>>>kasih sayang dan emosi yang sangat mendalam>>>romantik>>>tidak pasti dgn hubungan kasih sayang(gersang)>>>suka duduk dirumah>>>sangat rajin dan berkemampuan tinggi>>>amanah, jujur setia dan pandai berahsia>>>tidak berapa berjaya dalam mengawal emosi>>>bercita-cita tinggi>>>perangai tidak dapat diramal dan mudah>>> berubah-ubah>>>>>>
DISEMBER>>>>>>Sangat setia dan pemurah>>> Bersifat patriotik>>> Sangat aktif dalam permainan dan pergaulan>>> Sikap kurang sabar dan tergesa-gesa>>> Bercita-cita tinggi>>> Suka menjadi orang yang berpengaruh dlm organisasi>>> Seronok didampingi>>> Suka bercampur dgn org>>> Suka dipuji, diberi perhatian dan suka dibelai>>> Sangat jujur amanah dan bertolak ansur>>> Tidak pandai berpura-pura>>> Cepat marah>>> Perangai yg berubah-ubah>>> Tidak ego walaupun harga diri yang sangat tinggi>>> Benci pada kongkongan>>> Suka berlawak>>> Pandai buat lawak dan berfikiran dgn logik

was it LOVE?

out of the blue,,

a name appeared on my mind

the same name i've known for about 14 years

i met this boy when i attended a tuition programme during skool holiday

when i was in standard 5

he was a kind of nice boy and brilliant boy

i still remember when my tuition teacher asked us to pronounce

the word 'bathe'

after we all tried to pronounce it correctly,

the teacher told us the correct one

and he got the correct pronunciation while I was wrong

I still remember his father used to fetch him from tuition classes

and that his father drove a Honda Accord car

after the tuition programme ended, we went our separate ways

one day, I read my sister's novel at home

there was an illustration on the cover

i dont know whether I was hallucinating or anything

but i could see the boy's facial expression when i look at the portrait on the cover

I couldn't find any ways to get to him

so i just let it go

but now after so many years,, it keeps appearing on my mind

i guess it was only a crush

but..was it love anyway?

mY 2nd AttEMpT

my 1st attempt to join this blogging thing was in vain..so I start anew..
my work as a teacher is so unexpectedly busy that sometimes i can hardly have time to breath..
it's sad that people always tell me that teachers r so relaxed. the only good thing about being a teacher is the school holiday. other than that it feels like you need more than 24 hours a day to teach students, to mark their books, to check on them every other time, to write lesson plan for each lesson to be taught,, gosh the best thing is to think about the rewards in the hereafter...insyaAllah